Thursday, January 3, 2013

Starting today - VLCP, hcg, my identity, work and food

Another journey.1.3.13. 282.8

For the last three days I've (we've) been preparing for the hcg VLCP by "fat-loading" with tons of food, especially fatty food. [we were gluttonous pigs] Today I begin the low calorie protocol of the program. The protocol is this: 10 drops 3 times a day, 2 fruits, 2 veggies, and 2 3.5 oz servings of lean protein, 2 crackers. I'm going to follow this phase for 6 weeks.

Physically I feel fat. I have had a sharp pain in my lower chest or ribs since yesterday. I don't recall running into anything. It hurts slightly when I breathe. I also have a sore throat this morning.

Mentally I feel ready for the protocol and right now don't feel I'll be missing anything. Last night for our wedding anniversary we had wonderful King crab legs and butter, Mumm's champagne and NY cheesecake. I'm ready to lose weight and get healthy. I'm feeling mentally burdened with many things to get done. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I first attended the Wooddale Job Transition Group, and my efforts are far from organized.

Not weighing myself. Robin recommends not weighing oneself during the protocol, since she wants us to separate emotion from the results. Trust your sense of hunger, not the scale. Only eat when you're hungry, eat only enough to get past the hunger and spare your food as if you are rationing your food. Have food prepared when you sense that hunger is coming, because the more fat you have, the quicker hunger can turn severe, causing overeating. Track hunger sensations and emotional desires to eat - when hunger usually comes, how long it takes to subside. What are my emotions when I sense hunger? I need to detect and track whether my hunger comes from stress, boredom, anxiety, "deserving" - or from true hunger. [I've decided to weigh myself once a week only, on Thursday morning]

In a video Robin challenged a client to "figure out how much of your identity is attached to food." This issue seems to have a correlation with my "work identity" - how much of my identity is attached to my work and what I do. This is one of the takeaways from my meeting with Pastor Steve Case yesterday regarding my emotional challenges toward not having a job. My self-worth is definitely attached to my job success. The problem is when I work, I put my whole being into it, and make it a 24-hr job. Life balance becomes an issue. My relationship with God almost disappears. So, his question was - to himself - has my job become more important to me than God? Bottom-line, we are a divine creation with or without a job. He stills loves us and has a purpose for us whether we are in a job or not. And when not being burdened by the responsibilities of a job, I currently have the ability to be shaped by God for his purpose, using the skills, talents and abilities that he has given to me to find a way to express them.

Good question (from the above video): what would I do if I was in a thin body? When I go somewhere, what would I gravitate to. [what does it mean if my eating problem is just my love for the taste of food? how do I deal with that?] One thought that comes to mind is Jazz Fest. While I love the music, the food is my main attraction - po boys, crawfish monica. Around town, it's the beignets, cafe au lait, the crawfish and the muffalettas that come to my mind.

I found this in a forum on emotional eating from a member: "Food , shopping for it, thinking about it, preparing it and eating... it's my most enduring hobby. It never goes away. Everything else, I get sick of." There are some great responses and advice.  Sounds a lot like me, although it's not my love for great food that usually causes problems - it's the cheese, crackers, and peanut butter (usually late at night), and oversized portions.I MAY NEED TO REDEFINE MY PRIORITIES AND INTERESTS TO SUCCESSFULLY STAY HEALTHY.

What is leptin resistance? And there's a leptin diet too.

No comments: